There was this girl I once knew who loved serving God, was very involved in whatever church she attended and loved helping others. Though she wasn't rich, she always managed to pay her bills and she tried to help others when she could. She had a big heart and really enjoyed life.
Well that girl got herself in a situation that she had to withdraw from those around her. She was not as involved and worked hard to not allow some situations to happen. She thought she was doing what God wanted her to do but it was at great expense. Don't feel sorry for her because sometimes you have give up a lot or sacrifice some freedoms to do what you think God wants you to do.
Well that girl was me and for the last 20 years have not been easy and I kept withdrawing so that I could protect those who I thought needed it. When you find yourself running interference at every turn, you get lost in the mix.
This week, I sent a group of friends who have prayed me through the past couple years an email expressing a need. A need that God knew that I had but still a need. I have awesome friends and they prayed for this need. But it was my dear friend Janet who put it all in perspective and reminded me of that girl from my past. God knows our needs, we don't need to broadcast them. (Janet I am paraphrasing). We need to be less about what I need God to do for me and more about what can I do for God. That is so true. When you are giving God your best in all aspects of your life, not only do you find joy but you find success.
My word for this year is rejuvenation. I need this, I need to find that joy and begin living the life I know that God wants for me. Not that there won't be hurdles because there will be for sure.
I have been trying to find a new church but nothing felt right, I didn't feel comfortable. You should always feel comfortable in God's house. I made a comment to my friend Marian on Tuesday about having no hard feelings about what happened at my old church and she stated that you do have hard feelings - oops. I realized that I was still upset so I needed to resolve that. I sent out 2 emails apologizing to 2 people for being upset and asked their forgiveness because I was hurt and angry. Both graciously accepted my apology and so I move forward. I needed to let go of the hurt and it felt really good. I don't need to carry that burden any longer.
I was upset with my life, I am 51, I shouldn't be in this position. I should be looking forward to my golden years but instead I am scared to death. I have a special needs sister who depends on me and our mom and I worry about her and who will provide for her if something happens to me or mom. I was dwelling on all the bad things. When you are doing that you don't function well. God doesn't want us to be in a constant sense of turmoil - He just doesn't
So this week, I learned a great deal. I realize that I need to lay all my concerns at God's feet and let Him handle them - because He is fully capable of doing so. I need to let go of all the past hurts, failures and losses. I can learn from them but I don't need to dwell on them. They are in the past - leave them there.
When I surround myself with family and friends who love me I can only succeed. It is time to rejoice in what's ahead and know that God will take care of me and my family. Forgiveness is liberating, saying I was sorry was the best thing I could have done this week. It really is important to not carry a grudge.
I now think church will be a much better place for me. I wanted to feel safe, but it was I who was causing the inner turmoil. It is time to get involved and serve God again freely. No limitations.
This week has been so important to me because by stating one need, I got so much more then I could expect. I needed to let go and move forward. None of what happened the last few years is what God wanted for me - none of it but regardless it did happen and now it is time to look forward with my eyes planted on God and know that He has this covered.
So Janet, Marian and my other dear friends, thank you for turning me around and refocusing me. You will never know how much that meant because now I feel like there is nothing I can't conquer. It is kind of nice to see glimpses of that girl again.
My old roommate and still good friend Tina gave me some ideas I can do to help with the family income and reminded me not to be so worried about what I can't do but focus on what I can . I end with this : ) II Corinthians 5:7 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here