Wednesday, May 26, 2010

If they had only known........

Today I had a thought, it was a thought that would not leave me alone and one that wanted attention. Recently someone from my childhood appeared back into my world and I have been thrown into a situation where I must show him compassion and understanding.
Normally that would not be hard but here some 30 years later, this man is down on his luck and is struggling to make it and just needs a friendly hand. But this man for lack of a better word along with many of his friends was my bully. By bully I mean I was subjected to 9 years of teasing, torment and physical abuse. I would have never thought that this man would ever be a factor in my life again and here he is.
Because of the constant stress that these other kids had put me through, I grew up thinking very poorly of myself and thought I really did not deserve anything good. The impact of their behavior has left scars so deep that my self esteem and self worth suffered greatly. I felt that I didn't deserve anything good, they made me feel worthless constantly.
It has made me ponder the question: If they had only known.............

If they had known that I had cataracts and up till the summer before my senior year, I was considered legally blind would they still have put tacks on my chair for me to sit on because I couldn't see them or put things in my way to trip me.

If they had known that despite my handicaps I was an honor student would they have taken my books away from me in the hall way and make me hunt for them. Would they appreciate that I tried as hard as I could, but their torment only hindered me.

If they had known that my dad was an alcoholic and mean when he was drunk, Would they have continued to torment me, call me names and make fun of me, if they knew I received the same ridicule at home.

If they had known that I just needed a friend, someone on my side would they have continued to berate me and publically humuliate me.

If they had known how hard things were, would they have helped to ease my burden.

Bullies come in all shapes and sizes, it is easy to kick someone when they are down. They thrive on the fact that they have the upperhand. Do they think ahead 10, 20 or 30 years and see that maybe that person they terrorized may be the lifeline they need. Would they want their children to go to school with someone who behaved like they did. Would they want their children to be terrorized by someone like them.

They say what goes around, comes around or God will seek justice. I do believe that and unfortunately part of me relishes the fact that one of my bullies is suffering but I know that is not what God would have me to do. So each day I try to show him God's love because I know I can't do it on my own and only through God can I show him any compassion.

If you are a bully - STOP!!!! Being mean is not necessary. If you are on the receiving end, just know there is retribution eventually. It will come, trust me I am living with it each day.


Ticketgoddess said...

I read your post with tears in my eyes..I relate to where and what you went through. I always remind myself, God will NEVER give you more than you can handle. I love you tons and appreciate all your kindness. Take care of yourself and know all that bully built a wonderful, compassionate and beautiful woman that I am so lucky to call FRIEND!!

Bev Borda

CindyML said...

Faye - Well said. Thank you for sharing something so personal. I do believe in what comes around goes around... karma. As you said, this person bullied you but is now needing help. It takes a much bigger person to forgive and forget and it sounds like you are praying for guidance on this issue. I think everyone has been bullied at one point or another and feel the sting. Those who have been bullied know the pain and would never act that way to others. I have kids now and we encounter bullies in all sorts of ways. I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make and how to handle this person who has come back to your life. Who knows, you might be the one to change his life. Prayers to you. CindyML