December 25th - Christmas Day. This day has so many facets and all of them are leaving me in a puddle of tears. I need to be stronger but honestly I don't have it in me. Thanks to my friends I did participate in 3 crop / present swap. Those were fun and it felt good to smile. I do try and smile, I am trying to do something for others each day and have had 3 awesome moments of making a positive difference in someone else's life. Physically and emotionally mom and I are a mess. I actually had to take mom to the ER last week in the middle of the night.
Because we are both facing some health setbacks, we have not decorated or set up our tree. I was going to bake and honestly I just don't have the desire to do it. We are still working on Christmas cards, some will become New Years cards but I feel a sense of accomplishment that I did that.
We did minimal shopping for others and there are no gifts for us to unwrap Christmas morning. We will be going to my brothers house for brunch so there may be a couple things there.
I am not saying these things to make anyone feel sorry for us. I am saying them because we aren't the only people in the world, dealing with a loss of a loved one. Be aware of those around you who are dealing with loss because we get quiet, we don't talk about it cause no one wants to continue to hear how sad you are. The sadness sucks you in, it is not a good place to be. The thing is the holidays are about family and spending time with the ones you love. Presents are nice but they aren't the memories. The investment we make in each others lives is important, those are the pictures and stories we document. Take time to invest in others - help them to start creating new memories.
This is our first Christmas without Jodi and we aren't handling it very well. Last year we totally ignored Christmas because we were in the fight to make Jodi well, God had other plans.
The holidays for the last couple years have been less important and it was more about taking care of her. I wouldn't give up a minute of it. Jodi loved the holidays, she loved the excitement, the sounds the people = She just loved it all. Seeing Christmas through her eyes was magical. We would listen to Christmas music and she loved it. She loved the fun happy songs but when a song about the Jesus' birth, she would actually listen and many times tear up. She knew God in a way I never could. Those are the memories that matter to me.
So this year, I sit here on earth missing her so much. Been a lot of tears today. But Jesus as the world celebrates your birth, you have my baby sister with you and she loved birthdays. I am sure she is already partying. So give her an extra hug for me and tell her that I love her and miss her. Happy Birthday Jesus!!