This year is turning out to be difficult to say the least. I began 2008 in pain and unfortunately I am going to end 2008 in pain. The much acclaimed epidural steriod shot was my hope for a pain free end to the year and it seems that the precious shot did not take. As many of you remember, my left leg became the home for what I loving called "Frankenfoot" Frankenfoot hung around through Halloween and Thanksgiving then a week later my precious physical therapist gave me permission to put Frankenfoot away. Well that bugger wanted to be around for Christmas and depending on what the ortho doctor says next Tuesday will determine if he will be here for the new year. Urghhhhhhhhh. The boot was causing problems with my leg and nerves so the epideral shot was scheduled right after my foot was free. Alas, the break is not healing and so the swelling and pain persist :( . Prmary doctor ordered it back on immediately.
So back to Christmas, financially we have hit a bad place and it is mostly my fault. Christmas this year is sparce and the guilt with that is weighing on me. We are trusting God to see us through and I know He is but in His Time not mine.
I love to bake and make gifts and I am weeks behind on that venture. Though we have the front yard decorated (sort of) The wind last night took out our inflatables and Dave is dragging his feet to fix them. He promised that tomorrow he would. We have no tree up, nothing is right. And if I have to hear one more time that Christmas isn't this or that............I will use whatever piece of heavy equipment near me to beat someone over the head.
Pain is a hard thing and when it keeps me from accomplishing things it is hard when my inability to complete a task or two gives license to some to not do anything or at least maintain what is done.
If you know me, you know that I love Christmas and this year I feel like I have so negatively impacted Christmas this year.........Call me Grinch
What is Christmas? That is easy........it is the birth of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. My Lord came to earth so that He could die for my sins. The ultimate gift and I so know this. What is hurting is that I am just missing the fun and festiveness of it all. I miss being able to give great gifts at times home made, I did actually get some presents made. Engraving glass is my new fun thing. I have some more stuff to get done and pray that my body holds out. Tomorrow is church (our church does services on Tuesday and Wednesday) To avoid the crowds we will go tomorrow. God will see me through, this I am sure.
I miss the tree, I miss the lights and decorations. I am sad that some actions on my part have caused some financial hardship. I am frustrated that I can't get things done because most time broken foot or whatever else this darn disease throws at me, if I don't do it - it don't get done or started. I am just feeling sad, I am in pain, I want to just have Christmas. My Savior is in my heart but I want Christmas. I want my lights, I want my tree and decorations and I want to bless those around me with treats and homemade treasures. I don't know what the next 48 hours will hold but Christmas is in my heart and I am hoping in my home too somehow.
Here are the mugs that I etched.........
As you can see the baking stuff awaits. Thank God for stools to sit on while I cook and bake.
I know many have lost jobs, many are also struggling financially and life is just hard. Our one hope is truly Jesus and that is all that matters. I want to others to see my joy that only the Lord can bring. It is not unchristianlike to be sad or to have regrets. I won't be negetive just regretful but I am sure an awesome Christmas eve service should take care of that.
Merry Christmas all and God Bless